I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
