i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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