I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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