No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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