I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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