I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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