Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
