Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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