we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
