Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
