Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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