I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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