What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
