i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
