He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
