Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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