Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
