He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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