This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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