And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
