im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
