Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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