Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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