if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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