Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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