One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You are a genius and a whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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