So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
