Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
