you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
