i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
