Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want her autograph on my taint
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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