During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
