Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He shit in the fireplace
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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