nut hugger
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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