PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
