I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
