I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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