I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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