Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.