So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.