i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.