Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
