Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
