You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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