Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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