sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
