Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
