i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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