I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you would pick up someone in the library
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
