Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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