Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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