Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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