people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
