dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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