I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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