Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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