Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
