remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
