I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
