Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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