You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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