Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
