I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
