she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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