is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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