M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
